Learning to trust again is harder than you may think. We start trusting at an early age; it’s all we know - until it’s broken. It starts with small promises that our parents may have made, then broke. A friend at school promised to trade a candy with you and then decided not too. It slowly starts to empty our trust bank. We become suspicious of people who say they will do things and know that they likely will not. We stop taking people at their word. Until perhaps we learn to depend on a spouse, but in the end they let us down as well, they break that trust. They promise to do the dishes before you get home from your long day, this makes you happy knowing you are going home to a clean kitchen, but then you find out they didn’t. They were tired and decided just to sit down and watch tv instead. Letting you down and once again emptying more of your trust reserve. Sometimes we even let ourselves down, we wanted to go to that weekend retreat but then come friday night we were just to tired to bother to pack, we want to sleep in and decide not to go. Even though we were looking froward to it all week, we break that trust.
Trust is precious, it comes from the soul. It allows us to take risks in life, to go for opportunities and take chances. But what if you have experienced so many trust set backs that now all you seems distrust, mistrust, suspicion, uncertainty, weariness, skepticism, fear, sadness and anger or worse yet lack of confidence. Afraid to be excited about a situation because you know something is going to come up to make it not happen. If wedding replenish our “trust reserve” we are at risk of falling into this spiral of dismay. I remember being a kid and my mom was the last parent to pick me up from school, I was sad, it broke my trust as she said she would be there early. That time when I was supposed to go to wonderland, and we didn’t go. We planned and talked about it for weeks yet it never happened, this happened every year until I realized it would never happen, my trust was shattered. I learned at an early age to never hold people to their word, to not trust in what they said. My innocence was lost. I didn’t learn until much later in life that trust could be regained. For me it was knowing that when people broke promises it was ok, a “pinky” promise held more merit. I made that pact with someone close to me and they never broke that pact. To this day that silly little ideal is sacred to me and I have passed it down to my two little girls. I started to build back up my trust. In humanity, faith in people, it was building ME back up again. I realized that in giving trust I was also receiving it, and vice versa. This was key to my healing journey.
We each need to learn to trust again, to rebuild that reserve, to replenish. But not everyone has that pinky promise as I did. What we all do have is the sun. Sunset and sunrise are two things that no matter what, until the day we leave this earth; will always happen. The sun will rise every morning and set each night, just as the day before. In this we can trust. It will never break that trust, it will never betray you.
Be it once a week or every day it doesn’t matter, take time out to appreciate the sun setting, be present in that moment. This isn’t like gournding, you don’t need to be outside in the elements to do it. You can do this from the window of you condo or the patio doors of your house. Turn your mind to the setting sun. Why not the sunrise? Well if you are me you wouldn’t want to get up that early… But there is more to it than that. You need to concentrate on the sun (the brightness of it) fading into the night (the darkness). There is something therapeutic about the darkness, facing it knowing that it will not be dark forever. The light will be back again. Focus on the earth rhythms, knowing that the next morning wether you are awake or not, your soul will know that the sun did in fact rise just as promised. You trusted and it came through. You have restored a small piece of your reserve. It is important to remind yourself that as you do this the reasons is to regain trust. Allow your bodies healing mechanisms to rejuvenate. Heal your spirit and your soul. Learning to trust again can be this simple if you let go and meditate or focus on the fading light and the promise of it’s return. Allow yourself to bask in this and slowly heal. Hold onto the trust and rebuild yourself again.
In healing our trust we learn to heal illness that is on a far deeper level, beyond diagnostic results or fundamental testing. This goes much deeper in healing. Is that mystery illness really a mystery after all? Could it be that you needed to heal your trust or a past trauma?
Now when someone lets me down I’m ok. I know that I still have the sunset to hold on too, and I have me. I will never let myself down.